Behind the cut you'll find a piece by Robert Shrimsley published in last Friday's Financial Times. It's a very amusing take on a not-at-all amusing subject. Hope you enjoy it.
Britain has voted to leave the EU but to the anger of other members, it will not invoke Article 50 to begin the process of exit until a) the Conservatives have chosen a new leader; and b) that leader has figured out a plan and started negotiations. EU leaders say that until the UK invokes Article 50 no negotiations can start. Meanwhile Boris Johnson the man everyone assumed would be the next leader said he will not stand.
The entire process is starting to look like a Samuel Beckett play.
The scene: Brussels: David Cameron is dining with the other 27 EU leaders.
That's it; I'm not putting up with this any more.
So you're leaving.
Oh, yes, I'm off.
Silence. Nothing happens
I can't help noticing you are still here.
Don't you worry, I'm going.
You are leaving now.
Yes, yes (stands up as if to leave).
So when are you going?
(Sits down) That's really a matter for my successor.
So we have to wait for him.
Yes, we're waiting for BoJo.
We're about to serve the soup.
You go ahead. I'm not having any.
Oh why not? But this is the last one.
So now you are having soup.
The soup still has to be had.
But you said you were leaving.
And so I am. There's no changing my mind. The people have spoken.
So go then.
Don't you tell me to go. I'm fed up with taking orders from you lot.
Then leave. You said you were leaving. Invoke Article 50 and be on your way.
Be in no doubt, I will.
Soon. In my own good time. I may do it today. I may do it tomorrow. I may start at Article 1 and work my way up.
We cannot wait forever.
Don't worry, he said he'd be here.
He may not come.
And then you will go?
As soon as I know what happens next.
We can't know that until you go.
I can't go till I know.
So what do we do?
We could have some more soup.
We need to get on with things. We have things to discuss, the 27 of us.
I should go. You have things to discuss. (He does not move)
Perhaps you could wait in the hall.
I'll be taking my soup. And send out a main course when it comes.
We thought you were leaving.
It's a long journey; I may get hungry.
If you want to eat you have to stay.
I'm not staying.
Then you can't eat. You cannot cherry-pick from our menu.
(Excitedly) Are there cherries?
It's an expression.
Ah...of course...But are there any?
No. There are no cherries. Come, let us embrace before you go.
You want me to go?
We thought you wanted to leave.
I do. But I can't believe you're prepared to let me do it?
If that is your wish, we respect it.
You won't try to stop me.
Do you want us to?
Then we won't.
I can't believe you'd let us go. (pause) But I still want something to eat.
You can't eat unless you stay.
I can't go till I eat.
You can have something to eat once you leave.
Do you promise?
So what now?
You should leave.
Right. I'm off. (He does not move)
I will still be able to eat here?
Not if you leave.
Perhaps I should wait.
We've had word from Mr BoJo. He isn't coming tonight.
He sent word not to wait.
But he promised he'd come. I've been waiting for him.
Apparently there were two drafts of that promise.
Is anyone else coming instead?
Will they still want to leave?
So it seems.
I should go then.
Yes. (He does not move)